Ovarian cancer is a silent killer of women. It often goes undetected until it is too late. Ovarian cancer is why my mum is no longer here. This is my goodbye and a warning to every woman out there.
Fact, it is very hard to type through tears. No matter if you know where every single key is due to learning to type on an old clunking typewriter. May I add, with a box over your hands so you couldn’t see the keys.
I know where the keys are on my keyboard just like I knew without opening my eyes the sound of my mother’s footsteps, the sound of her breathing and the touch of her lips on my cheek as she kissed me.
I have avoided saying goodbye to her on Belly Rumbles until now. I’ve had as much an idea of what to write, as I haven't. I just didn’t want to write it. It makes her not being here even more cemented in reality.
Loosing your mother is hard. You only have one, and if your relationship is an incredibly strong one, like ours was, it is like loosing part of you.
It will be six months in a few days since my mum, Rosemarie, passed away.
Passed away, I’m not sure I like that word. But it is softer to type and read than “died” or “is dead”. “No longer with us” sounds like she has taken a permanent holiday to the Bahamas. Which she definitely wouldn’t do without taking dad, their love was incredibly strong even after 50+ years of marriage.
I’m still having a hard time believing that she is gone. “Gone” is that a better word? Six months may sound like a long time, it has flown past, but it has only been 12 months since I found out mum had cancer.
When I was told they had found a mass it was like a punch to the gut. A punch with a side order of denial. Still not 100% sure at that stage what was to come, or exactly what the mass was. It was quickly confirmed to be ovarian cancer.
3 women die in Australia daily due to Ovarian Cancer. In 2015, 926 women died of Ovarian Cancer. The same year the Australian road toll for women, men and children combined was 1,209.
When we put those figures into perspective that is a lot of women dying of Ovarian Cancer annually. Way too many women.
I mention above that Ovarian Cancer is a silent killer, Ovarian Cancer Australia would disagree with me. They state that it is NOT a silent killer. We will agree to disagree. The symptoms of Ovarian Cancer are often ones that women deal with, quite frankly, just because we are women.
I encourage you to read more about the symptoms of Ovarian Cancer here.
One symptom is back pain, and it was back pain that eventually led mum to being diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. I should add it wasn’t a simple diagnosis and took a few trips to her local GP (over months) and then further testing before working out what was causing the back pain and a few other symptoms.
I keep thinking to myself what if her GP had been more on the ball? What if the Ovarian Cancer was detected a few months earlier?
When you lose somebody precious to you there are a lot of “what ifs”. Way too many “what ifs”.
Mum went a few rounds with chemo. She was amazing and strong, getting all Mike Tyson with her fight with cancer. It seemed to be working at one stage, and then just as quickly it wasn’t. I truly thought she was going to kick cancer’s ass. She didn’t.
She was eventually advised that if she kept on with the chemo it might give her six months more of life. But what life, if it is life sick from chemo? If she stopped, it would be more likely three.
Mum made the brave decision to stop chemo. In the end it was one month after stopping that she lost her battle completely.
I’m still in shock on how quickly it all happened. I still don’t feel like she has left, gone, no longer here, dead. Seriously all those words suck.
I still go to ring her, to talk to her. I still go to email her interesting or stupid things. I still go to seek her advice. I still want to hug her and gain comfort in her arms.
I miss her smile. I miss her smell. I miss the softness of her hair. I miss her arms around me. I miss her dark sense of humour. I miss gossiping with her. I miss cooking with her.
I miss her laugh when it got so uncontrollable that breathing became an issue and her eyes watered. I have the same laugh.
I miss her level headedness. I miss her silliness. I miss that sacred mother daughter bond. I miss her unconditional love.
I miss her. I will always miss her. I will always love her.
Sara xxx
Cathy Stevenson
Dear Sara
Thanks you for sharing your mums journey I have learnt a lot more about the beautiful lady who shared our lives. Never seem your dad with hair.
Love Cathy
Nancy Doherty
Sara, what a beautiful tribute to your Mom. Reading about your Mum & having met your Dad, it is very easy to see where you get your amazing personality, charm & beauty. I know you have wonderful memories of your Mum but please also remember the love & joy you brought to her. I know that she had to be very proud of you as well. It was a pleasure spending a little time with you & your Dad on the Ghan. Please remember if you ever get to the west coast in America, our door is always open. Hugs Nancy
Nancy
Sara. What a beautiful tribute to your Mum. I now understand the bit of sadness that you & your Dad had while traveling on the Ghan. We so enjoyed our limited time with both of you. How wonderful it is that you had such an amazing Mum but I am sure that she is as ever grateful that she had an amazing husband & daughter. So sorry for your loss. Hugs Nancy
Carly
I’m so sorry that you lost your mum. It’s is so hard. I lost mine too and don’t think there’s ever a time where you get over it... you just get better at living with it.
My mum is the inspiration behind my own foodie blog. I find cooking and all things “foodie related” bring me closer to her, so it brings me joy in being creative in her memory.
I hope you have lots of beautiful memories of your mum that you too can bring into your foodie world and beyond. Xx
Sara
Thank you Carly for your lovely words. Mum was a big reason for starting Belly Rumbles too, she has been the major food influencer in my life. Sorry for your loss too and glad that cooking brings her a little closer to you now she is gone. xxx
Bianca@forfoodssake
What a beautiful beautiful tribute Sara! I can't even imagine what you and the family have gone through. She looked like a wonderful and warm woman xxxx
Sara
Thanks Bianca, she was all kinds of wonderful, but I think most mums are x
Jacq | Penguin says Feed Me
So sorry for your loss, Sara. That must have been incredibly difficult to write but it was a beautiful homage to the amazing, brave woman your mum must have been. Sending lots of hugs xx
Sara
Thanks Jacq for your love words and hugs.
Sara
Thanks and I hope so Helen x
Helen | Grab Your Fork
A beautiful tribute to your Mum, Sara. I like to think that all the family members we have lost are always near, watching proudly over us. I'm sure your Mum is too.
Lisa
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Sara
Thank you Lisa
the hungry mum
What a beautiful tribute Sara - a tribute that I am so very sorry that you had to write. I am sending you so much love & big hugs. You sound like your mother's daughter, for you too are amazing and talented and creative. I bet she was so very proud of you x
Sara
Thanks lovely, I hope she was proud of me xxx
Gaby
Sorry for your loss Sara, big hug!
Sara
Thanks so much Gaby, needing that hug right now x
Maree Hallett
So brave of you to speak so beautiful about your inspirational and loving mum. I felt your pain and completely understand the transition- now I can’t wait to see you cook and be inspired by your mum xx
Sara
Thanks Maree, mum has always been the major inspiration for me in the kitchen. She taught me so much. I'll just miss enjoying time with her there. I'll miss her everywhere.
Michelle Thompson
Sara your words are beautiful, loving and honest. She was such a great mum to you and like a best friend. I want you to know your always in my thoughts. I love you dearly and will always treasure my memories of all of us together. ???? Shelly
Sara
Thanks Shelly, lots of great adolescent memories of us with mum xxx
Jo
*massive hugs from across the pond*
Sara
hugs xxx
Katherine
My heart aches for you Sara. I write this with tears in my eyes. You’re very brave to have been so open about your beautiful mums passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Sara
Thanks so much Kath, it was quite hard to write. But I felt it an important story to share, plus she was one amazing woman.
Bronwen
hugs, Sara. Lost a very good friend to ovarian cancer - similar story to your mum's. xx
Sara
Thanks Bron, a big hug regarding your friend too. It really did happen so quickly, quite a shock.